"Chomp chomp chomp," goes the inconsiderate jerk sitting behind me. I can’t pay attention to the lecture I paid 40 dollars for because every other word is interrupted by the earth-shattering, Dorito-induced sonic wave expelled from his mouth. Is that really necessary? Class may seem like forever, but in real time, it’s not that long. There’s like 20 minutes left and the convenience store is right across the quad. What’s even worse is the fact that he thinks he’s being stealthy by timing his bites to coincide with the professor’s sentence-initial words. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING I’M RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Sporadic chomping is even more unbearable when I’ve caught onto your rhythm and can predict every fucking bite.
I understand that class can be boring and boredom can sometimes inspire hunger. I get that all the time. But please have the courtesy to choose a snack that won’t mistakenly trigger a Nam-style flashback to the poor 60-year old veteran sitting in the front who’s just trying to get that English degree he always wanted. How about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Or….a Snickers bar. Actually on second thought…candy wrappers also piss me off. You know what’s the worst? Celery. Fuck celery.